a brokebitch knows never burn a bridge...

I'd crawl across a bridge on my hands and knees before burning a bridge. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and say it's water under the bridge. Washing out the bridge is never an option. You may need that bridge to reach what you want! It amazes me when people think they are better than the bridge. Life is funny like that, that bridge could be your next avenue to a better place. Life could be really funny, that bridge could be your last chance to get to the place you need. People are gonna have cracks in the bridge. Ya gotta suck it up and tough it out. Fix the crack with whatever you can do! Mending a bridge is free for any brokebitch. It takes words, patience and time. Free Free and free. Not fixing the bridge could cost you everything.

xoxo
MM
p.s. dedicated to a bridge burner. My policy is to never ever name names putting somebody in a negative light online. :)

Taking leftover food from work event for holiday party at friends house ;)

xoxo
MM

mas ChristMAS spirit...

(me and my friend, Sonya, who also donated to the cause with me)






I spent $35 I really didn't have to give two kids a christmas. I went to their home. A one bedroom, just big enough for a bunk bed like you had as a kid and a twin mattress and a 20 inch tv. It was like a hotel room. However this was their home. Dirty dishes with old milk lay around. I tripped over a bag of trash. Four people lived in a room smaller than my bedroom. The living condition was ridiculous. It was as if I stepped into a third world country. I'd say I'm lucky to have a home but I create my own luck with three jobs.

The dissapointment came when the mother barely spoke a thank you. She led us to her room like it were a chore. When we arrived,she stood on the porch of the house with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and said ya I'm her. My heart sank. I spent my one christmas gift someone gave me on someone who could care less. However, you must give without judgement. If God picked apart every time I wasn't as grateful as I should be, I'd be in trouble! I put my heart into those gifts and am glad I did it. The kids are gonna have clothes that keep them warm. The kids are gonna have cool toys to distract them from their cramped one bedroom home. I did good.

I've forgotten what's it like to open a present. The joy of tearing the paper. The excitement that comes up like a little butterfly of joy and gets caught in your throat letting out a squeal. I'm happy I gave that to someone else.

I guess it's a happily ever after. It just isn't exactly what you see in the movies. The family jumping for joy and throwing their arms around you in gratitude. It is what is. Merry Christmas. I hope you had presents to open and you genuinely thank the person, no matter if it's diet pills ;)(aka my brothers gift to me a couple years ago)

<3 MM

Brokebitch

Brokebitch visits local high end dealership for free breakfast.

xoxo
MM

See Mandi do good. See Mandi play. See Mandi get.

I've always thought Karma really exists. Then my Justin Timberlake sang about it...."what goes around comes around" then I knew it was true!lol. I've always tried to be the bigger person. I've always been too honest for my own good doing the "right" thing. Today a gal I helped in radio gave me a job opportunity. I didn't help her to get ahead but because I throughly believe in helping someone. I needed this today cause I woke up frustrated with life. A bill insurance wont cover. A job where I feel unappreciated. A broken dish that belonged to my roommate. No car for my trip back home to Indiana. fail! Then I said I'm gonna unfail! lol So I found a deal at enterprise to rent. I made dinner for the roommate in apology. I'm gonna call the office that billed me and communicate to see what we can do with the bill. I used what I had, my personality and doubled my goal in sales at Clinique. Money talks. My supervisor called to say someone high up in Clinique said "my friend says Mandi is the best Clinique girl and she won't stop if Mandi's not there" We all have the days are sales will suck, we wanna throw in the towel but we have to remember the days we doubled our sales goal, got a job offer, and found a killer deal. Maybe Popeye does exist because I did all this after eating spinach for lunch!? See Mandi do good. See Mandi play. See Mandi get.

brokebitch scenerio #22 Ray Lamontagne lesson

me and my co worker at G1013 Dave Snow....
I heard Ray Lamontagne and loved his raspy folksy voice. Jennifer Aniston, my faux bff loves his music as well. Today I saw his cd for sale when I went to splurge on my addcition Starbucks and remembered how my coworker Dave bought me his Cd's for Christmas one year. He had to order them! He listened and knew I secretly wanted his music. It was a great moment for me. How thoughtful and wonderful this gift meant to me! I realized as a brokebitch I had so much that I've forgotten about. As I listen to Ray Lamontagne I look to my left and see a colorful artsy plaque saying "follow your heart" from speech team students I coached. On the wall behind me is a painting made for me by my granny's bff. It's sunflowers whimsically blowing in the wind with lavender matting, my favorite color. To the left of my computer there's a curios george mug from a girl I knew for a week at speech camp in high school. She thought I was funny but naive like curious George! Speech camp was kinda like band camp minus the flutes, lol, we just use our mouths ;) Great things are all around us if we look for them. it's easy for our vision to get blurry with negativity but I'm bound to dream my reality. I will keep dreaming to be better by seeing better things.... and to say a Goodbye to Brokebitch.

brokebitch scenerio #21 dreaming keeps me believing in the everyday

If you haven't, you should read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It inspired me to be a better me. One of the key components of the inpirational guide is a vision/dream board. I made a new one today. I wrote 5 goals to achieve by December 2010. I posted pictures of what I'd like to become as well. I will recite and look at my vision board every morning. I saw someone post as their FB status "one should put put on thoughts like they put on clothes" ah ha moment! Henry Ford said "If you think you can, you can". Rhonda Byrne says thoughts equal things.

I know I'm a successful person but get caught up in the everyday drama so I need a reminder too. I'm one of 9 people on the number one radio station in Raleigh. Huge. very big. I'm lucky. Although, I took a chance to get on at G105...my thoughts aided in me landing the gig. I made it up in my mind I was going to work at G105 even before I met my boss Randi. On February 25, 2009 I told a friend I was gonna move to Raleigh and I really liked G105. I walked in with my resume/tape in April 2009 and talked to Randi. Randi was the ONLY program director that spoke to me that day. Of course being the smart job seeker I sought other stations. However, G105 was the one I visited first. I also meticulously planned the G105 trip, I knew Randi went on at 3 so I knew she probably got to the office about 9 am. So while I had THOUGHT I would work at G105, I physically made it happen!

Some days I cry myself to sleep because I think about what I don't have. If you measured my life with my bank account, possesions or family...it wouldn't be worth much. However, life is bigger than all of those! Dreaming for me is living. Dreaming makes me believe in the everyday.

brokebitch scenerio #20: the gambler

I notice I gamble a lot with my bank account. I don't do the typical gambling as that would take available funds. For instance, I need gas. So in the state of North Carolina they take a $1.00 then take the rest out one day, twodays, three days, or even a week later! Therefore if I know I'll have funds later I get gas and hope it doesn't come out til my funds are securely in the account. I've lost the bet once. It sucked. So therefore I wouldn't recommend it. It cost me $55 for gas that time and all my car saw was $20 in gas. The bank was happy.

I try to see what I can eat economically for a week until payday. So today I returned weight watcher meals because I can make my own pasta last longer. I'm returning Velveeta shells and cheese tomorrow to buy toilet paper. there's no embarrassment anymore which concerns me. However, I know this won't be forever. Maybe that's why I can do it with my head held high. I work hard at 50 hours a week. I deserve to get my money back if I can't get the most out of a product.

Someday I'll buy multiples of that product without blinking. Oh how I can't wait for that day of freedom. So on this day of freedom I close my eyes and dream of that day. Dreaming does make me believe in days like this.

MM

brokebitch scenerio #19:feelings are free

I love feelings. What I've realized is that I love the bubblying excitment of a child feeling I get when meeting artists(pic: 50 cent) at the radio station. It makes me feel good and I know without going overboard on the feeling; it makes them feel good. What I've realized is smiling brings rewards from the boys. I love the feeling I got when this brokebitch got her numbers/photos changed over on her cell for FREE. I dig that I also got a screen protector out of the deal. I've realized the beach is a close to free luxury and will utilize it more. It's only $14 a day when you take a friend! I've realized dreaming keeps me believing in the everyday. I love the feeling of control I get when saving money from a coupon I clipped while sipping coffee I made in my french press! I've realized it was worth the 45 minutes on a Tuesday to go to a new bank, open an account and get $50! I love how I feel when I say no to that piece of chocolate the day before and now weigh less! I love the feeling of satisfaction when I ask for help and someone helps me. What i realize the most is that all these feelings are mine to keep and didn't cost this brokebitch a dime!

MM

brokebitch scenerio #18: control top panties for my life...

So I put my control top panties for life on the other day. Yep. control top panties for life. You can get some too for FREE. Imagine you're putting your control top panties on and CONTROL your life. Okay so I have few credit cards. A fabulous card I loved to swipe was a store credit card which literally got lost in all my moving. The bill kept getting lost in the mail going to my old addresses! So it was3 late charges later on a $20 bill! My friend Sonya helped me by calling and getting the bill down to ZERO! While small amounts are on most of the credit cards, they still have to be paid! Sometimes it's hard to even find $11 to pay the miniumum. So I was late by one day on a few. I called every card while wearing my control top panties...voila...all late charges removed. The secret, ask for a supervisor. Also BELIEVE you'll get them removed! Then the proudest moment while wearing my control top panties for life?! I called Discover where I have $4000 dollar balance and 29% interest. Yep $120 a month in interest! Ebony offered me a 9% interest rate if I'd freeze my account for 12 months!!! They always said to put credit cards in the freezer, done! 9% on a credit card!!!!! Sometimes you need a friend to push you into wearing your control top panties for life and getting control of what YOU deserve: a break or a brake on spending.

MM

Brokebitch Scenerio # 17 : smoothing out the wrinkles of brokedom

It's a vicious cycle of brokedom. While I'm proud to say I've been able to pay most of my bills on time...a few have slipped through my fingers. I've gotten calls and had to hold them off until I could find the money. I've learned for the most part they'll work with you if you communicate. never assume the bill devil will cast you into the flames of bill collector hell. Assume...u make an ass out of u and me. So thall shall not assume. So the cycle of brokedom starts with a call to fix one problem and next month it starts all over again! After every phone call I look in the mirror and pray that it won't happen again! As I've looked in the mirror lately I think "thank God for anti-wrinkle cream!" So I may not be able to put food on the table but my job at Clinique is looking good! Appreciate what you are achieving and maybe the rest will come. According to Kevin Costner's character in the "Field of Dreams" if you build it they will come. I'm not sure who "they" are but I hope they come with lots of money!

~MM

brokebitch scenerio # 16

I opened my mail. 9 envelopes. 8 envelopes contained bills. One contained my happiness for the day. $9. I received $9 from my insurance company. when you lose everything materialistic in your life you come to value what you have left. You truly value what you get too! 8 Years ago when my Grandfather's will gave me money I would of laughed at $9 and shoved it to the back of my desk like it wasn't important.

I'm finding I need less and less. I once went through my stuff in Indiana and said I could never get rid of this Coach purse. Now, it's like really? It's a Coach purse. Yes, you can get rid of it. What does a purse mean if you have nothing to put in it? Can you buy a Coach purse someday when you have money? Hell yes. Everything material is replaceable.

My Grandma celebrated her 85th birthday. This moment is irreplaceable. I sold my Tiffany Necklace and bracelet to be with her. You realize what is important when you're broke.

My friend Julie said "just think how much knowledge and appreciation you'll have when you make it!" It wasn't as if I didn't have great work ethic when I had money; it's a new appreciation that comes from living paycheck to paycheck. Most Americans do live paycheck to paycheck. It's as if I am being shown what it's like to have compassion and empathy for others.

I used to give canned food every year to different food pantries. However, I'd think to myself, who eats that? It's cheaper so, I do now. Life is funny.

~Mandi

brokebitch scenerio #15 a negative + a nagative = negative. a negative + positive = positve balance

(me and my friend Sonya, I dedicate this entry to her!)
I didn't pay attention in math class..too busy daydreaming about being a star...but I think a negative + a positive = a positive. Regardless of what pointless mathematicians say, I've proven it to be true. Two weeks ago, my friend/landlord called to tell me she rented her condo to someone else. Oh and I had 13 days to get out. heart. stopped. tears flooded ducts.

After consulting a seasoned landlord, she legally can't give me 13 days notice. Being the brokebitch I panicked about moving at such a short time frame. Hell, all I planned to do in that two week time span was work 100 + hours. Moving should be a breeze!

I sold some things I could live without. I heart craigslist. However my former landlord, lets call her "beeeyatch" for short, refused to give me my deposit back. So, I had to find more money to pay a deposit down on my new place! All the hectic moving left me offline unable to check my bank account. Yep. $1.32 cost me an overdraft fee of $35.00 x 4! That's math I definitely don't wanna get! $140. wtf.

Here's the good part of the story. My friend Sonya went to the bank and they say according to one of the new Obama administration laws, banks can't charge $35.00 for less than an overdraft of $5. That's an ah ha moment! The charges have been reversed.

I also WOmanned up and refused to pay $49 for my gym membership(yoga keeps me out of cookoo territory, for the most part)I broke it off with my gym today. I deserve a better rate. My life is gonna be what I MAKE of it! They are now charging me $30.

I ordered Victoria's Secret on my VS card. It didn't arrive. I called. They credited my account and gave me a gift card for $15. Hello...dicounted boob enhancement. Thanks Vicky.

when I knew last week I couldn't spend money as my bank account was in limbo, I decided I had to win a contest at Clinique. Whomever made 10 makeover appointments would be able to go shopping on Clinique. It was like a diabetic at a candy store. I would be a winner if it killed me! I won't let the bank...the beeeyatch or my critics win! I won. Hello...mr happy perfume...total turnaround(kind of goes with my week, right)and good bye wrinkles with youth surge! $150 in makeup!!! Tammy Faye was smiling down on me. YEP...I'M A WINNER!(The best part, I'll make money from the appointments, win win)

While I did get into the fetal position multiple times last week...I refused to let the negative win. However, it has left me to think my life is bipolar. I'm sure they make a medicene for that? Oh wait, they do, hello mr. adult beverage.


~MM

brokebitch scenerio # 14: worth more than a bank account...

(my rewind moment, Jim who actually got my autogragh,lol, he was just too cute!)
when you're stressed out about money everything is MAGNIFIED. It's understandable because EVERYTHING cost money. I walked around Lake Lynn today which on the surface appears free but it cost me $1 in gas to get there and back. It's frustrating not being able to get a coffee when you want one, especially when you are working almost 60 hours a week making good money. Life happens. You get behind but the bills continue. I've looked for a pause button, there isn't one. It would be nice if life could be as convenient as a remote control. Hit play when you're ready for another dose of life lessons...rewind to the good parts of life and replay...stop when life gives you a new challenge... but nope. No such invention yet. lol

Today I let a situation become magnified. I let people determine my worth today. I left feeling unimportant. People are all about themselves. Why would they think about anybody but themselves? When I wake up I think what is Mandi gonna do today? I don't think hmmm...who's gonna need me today and what can I d0? It's only normal. So why would I let someone not thinking of me determine my self worth! People do at TIMES think of others but for the most part, it's what do I need to get done next. You have to remember you're important and use your mind as your remote control,rewind to a success. Remind yourself you are worthy. I know being in radio I make somebody happy. I will rewind to past listener emails and pictures like the one above with listener Jim to regain my self worth. What will you do?

~MM

brokebitch scenerio #13: free is yumo

read the fine print cause it could be a FREEBIE. I bought lunch yesterday because I forgot mine. I spent the last $2 I had for the week. However, after looking at the fine print at the bottom of the Moe's receipt I saw FREEEEE joey burrito after you take a survey. I can take a survey. Two minutes=free lunch! Maybe I'll wear my free panty Victoria gave me last week. It'll be a celebration of FREEdom. ha ha. I heart free.

MM

brokebitch scenerio # 12: friends give you value that's priceless

Electricity $100...lite ice cream $2.50...Friends priceless. Monday my friend Lanell treated me to a day at the beach. It was the best day ever. I laughed a lot. I applied extra anti-wrinkle cream cause I smiled so much. I went to a movie for the first time in months and met Senator John Edwards. He watched the Bounty Hunter with us. Okay he was not next to us but three rows down! It was as if he stepped out of People magazine. It was so bizarre but fabulous. Oh and I know you want to know, he was alone(ha). Money couldn't buy that experience. See, friends are priceless.

Brokebitch Scenerio # 11: Money isn't my only value...

Money can be a measurement of success but surviving the abscence of money can also equal success. This week I got a free full size Aveda bath salt for my birthday from the store. I also received a free pastry at Starbucks. Let's not forget my bestie Victoria giving me a free panty. I almost missed the free card for Aveda because I was bogged down with all the bills. However, two days ago I faced the music and began sorting my mail when unbeknowest to me for the past two weeks, there was a postcard for a FREE $20 value bath salt from smelly good Aveda. I guess the lesson is to LOOK for the fabulousness that will arrive in your mailbox next. In the even bigger picture: what fabulous happening could arrive in your LIFE next? Focusing on what I don't have just makes me feel worthless when in acuality I'm worth a whole hella lot! I inspire people with my survival skills. I've survived two parents dying before I graduated high school. I was the first in my family to graduate College with a Bachelors degree! It's sometimes hard to remember past successes as we get sucked into the daily grind. In "Pretty Woman" Vivienne said "it's easier to believe the bad stuff than the good, ya ever notice that". Refocus and remind yourself of your good. In saying this, I don't regret my last post. I hate to post negativity because I think it's counterproductive and mostly doesn't help others. I don't want to experience negativity so why would others wanna read it? However, I'm human. I want you to know everyday isn't sunshine and cupcakes(with zero calories) but; with a little hope and faith, sunshine will be pouring in with an overflowing amount of yumo cupcakes soon.

~MM

Brokebitch scenerio #10: I'm paying to work...

I have to pay the state of North Carolina to work. I owe $100 because I drove to work everyday for the past 7 months. I understand my bank account is not a reflection of my contribution to the world. However, my heart hurts because my contribution isn't tangible. Money is an easy way to measure success. According to this measurement, my life is worthless. I find it hard to believe I'm worthless. However, my heart sobs.

~MM

Brokebitch scenerio #9: tears....of Hope?

I cried today while filling up my gas tank with my last $2. One dollar was in pennies. The cashier laughed. Another guy offered a hug. Here's what I offer:
"How do I change? If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh. If I feel fear I will plunge ahead. If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice. If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent I will think of past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be the master of my emotions." ~Og Mandino

~MM

Brokebitch scenerio #8: I am rich...

When your down to $1.00 in your bank account; be optimistic. I had to work 15 hours Saturday at Clinique and Radio. I LOVE both my jobs. I'm extremely lucky. However, 15 hours and a bad night's sleep=Starbucks. Rhonda Byrne wrote in "the Secret" if you think you already have something; you will. I kept thinking Starbucks will surely send me a reward from my registered Starbucks card. I went to my mailbox Friday and there was a FREE drink coupon for my birthday from Starbucks! I have three days to go in my $1 account balance and today I began to panic on what I would make for dinner, grant it I won't starve but...it seems you become very hungry when you don't have food! You want what you can't have! I'm also a healthy eater except for the occasional chocolate mishaps. In my mailbox today? A free pizza coupon!!!! It's whole wheat crust too. I'm keeping the faith that riches are on their way. Hey I just earned a free pizza for moving to my condo! I am rich. Rich with positive happy moments in this crazy situation called life.

~MM

brokebitch scenerio #7 pound the pavement

everyone is talented. Multitalented in fact. I am. I adore makeup, I'll use my last penny for a new eye color to make my green eyes pop. Disturbing to some...gold mine for me! I needed a better second job as I worked weekends on building my radio career so...I hit up Clinique. I didn't wait to be noticed. Step out of the (eye) shadow and get noticed! I layed the foundation(pun intended, enjoy superfit) to get my sparkling personality noticed! Economy shonomy...no excuses! You wanna make money then find your passion and pound the pavement! I got an interview that same day...here I am three weeks later and have almost doubled my income! brokebitch is slowly turning into a has been :)

~MM