brokebitch scenerio #445: you get what you DON'T pay for...

so I got a call from a local chropractor saying I won a free 30 min massage.  I'm so tense you would need an electric knife to cut the tension. So I say yes, please!  Plus I was spoiled when I had money and got a massage weekly, my massage therapist was on speed dial.  They told me I'd just meet with the Dr. so he could talk to me before the massage.  I thought ok I figured there was something to sell me.  I thought hey when I'm richbitch I may even need a chiropractor so what the hell.  I showed up at 3 on the dot for my appointment but 25 minutes later I was still waiting!  So, I stepped outside of the office and asked how long it would be as I needed to get back to the radio station.  So I played on my iphone.

 He came in I put the iphone down and shook his hand.  He said "nice to meet you" but his gestures seem irritated as he was very short with me.  "go to the edge of the table"  he touches my neck"do you have headaches?" I said "um...no I don't think so, not often".  He says "ok lay on your stomache"  I'm thinking what's this leading to, do they do happy endings, cause this could get wierd?! lol  Then he felt my spine over my shirt so with a little disapointment of no happy ending;), I was relieved he wasn't doing something invasive! He asks, not looking at me, "you wanna do an adjustment today?"  I said "no I don't think so, just interested in a massage" Then he shows me a piece of paper he marked quickly.  I was not only walking lopsided but apparently my spine would make me die.  He said My top two notches are bad so they could cause insomnia, dizziness or even  A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. Um no, being a brokebitch could cause that when the bills roll in! ;)  Then my middle spine had issues and could cause lots of diseases like heart conditions, diabetes and more!  Also he said "you will be artheritic.  You will have arthritis in all these areas marked on your spine.  so in an abrasive voice "good luck!, apparently you don't care about your health, so why should I care!"  He shoved the paper at me and walked out the door with me, yes me SPEECHLESS! 

Then I step into the massage therapist room.  She was mousy and shaky.  I say I'm a little uncomfortable, he was really rude to me.  In a very shaky voice she said "um...I don't know...I do a good massage...I'm a very caring person...I'd be really good"  I instantly felt sorry for her! I had to stay this lady needs my help. I seriously now wonder if she's a battered woman at work!  I thought worst case scenerio, even better story for my blog.  She ended up doing great work!  I think her timidness made her care about doing a really good job.  She then said at the end, "the doctor is very good with his patients, he really cares"  Something a battered woman would say?  I tipped her $10 and made sure she knew she was amazing.

so I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. Please Lord, I realize I didn't get an adjustment but please let me live! so Brokebitch got what she didn't pay for, advice from DR. ASSHOLE. Apperently he hasn't got an adjustment for his ASSINE personality. Honestly, that will kill him before Arthritis does anything to me.

Love,

Mandi ;)

Brokebitch scenerio #2274:Life is unfair but is it ?!?

Brokebitch was poolside at 3:30pm on a Tuesday afternoon with my bestie Rose when she said to me "ya life can be unfair but sometimes it's unfair to my advantage so I'm okay with life being unfair"  I thought  wow what an Epiphany.  I'm lounging by the pool with my bestie in the middle of the afternoon on a WEEKDAY, yes please.  Maybe this is not so fair to people working hard.  So remember when life is a bitch like you can barely make your phone bill, not that I'm talking about this brokebitch's phone but purely hypothetical(wink wink). You need to remember you're not working all the time so you get to enjoy life in a cabana by your friend's pool.  Maybe just maybe Gwenyth Paltrow will show up and pay your phone bill?! She just filmed in the Triangle, so ya never know!? P.S. I heart the Iron Man Trilogy ;)  Brokebitch knows how to kiss up, very important to use what ya got, and compliments are free. 

xoxo MM

brokebitch scenerio # 223: I listened to me.

So, I'm a radio girl and get to do fun commercials at my job. I'm currently voicing the Plato's Closet commercials for the Triangle. It's a resale shop for juniors and twenty something clothing, shoes and accessories. They pay CASH. um ya. brokebitch friendly. It's funny cause I was racking my brain for a genius idea to find $30 when I was cutting the Plato's Closet spot for the third time that day, it hit me! Hello listen to your self speak girl. Although, I felt like Carrie on "Sex and The City" when she had to ride on the bus with her picture on it advertising her column. Once again in my brokebitchdom I needed $30 to make rent. I combed my ever dwindling closet and took in the clothes to Plato's Closet by Triangle Town Center. It actually felt good to take responsibility and find a way out of brokebitchdom on my own. The clothes I sold were too small anyway and by the time I get back into them I'd probably wanna shop for new ones. By that time I WILL BE rich and famous ;) right?! I scored $43! $13 more than I needed. :) Then the next day I checked my account and Ebay deducted a fee for me selling my Michael Kors watch. I sold the watch to make my deposit on my new place. Oh shart. I was short $1.01! Are you kidding me!? So I scrounged for change, in my car, in my desk and pennies in between my seats. I figure God wanted to see me sweat or make me be accountable for buying drinks with the girls the weekend before. Funny cause all it did was make me wanna hook up a vodka iv to my arm. ;) Now, if someone would pay me to drink, then all my problems would be solved. hmmm. what if I got a gig voicing a Smirnoff commercial...hey it worked with Plato's Closet! ;)When I'm rich and famous, drinks on me! seriously.



xoxo


Mandi

Birthday "Chanukah"

Make your Birthday your bitch...for the brokebitch. ;) As a brokebitch leader I find it my responsiblility to find FREEBIES...your birthday is the one day you get all year that belongs to you! So, I've found this website http://www.freebirthdaymeals.org/ and you can find free meals for a week, which I now refer to as "Birthday Chanukah" (you don't have to be jewish)lol. Day one: Moe's Southwest grill. yumo

xoxo

MM,brokebitch.

brokebitch scenerio #244 pay it forward without money...

You can pay someone without money! I sometimes find it hard to get motivated when my bank account doesn't reflect my true value. So to snap out of it, I'm using what I have, my talent! I'm donating my time right now to help Speech team member at East Chapel Hill High School develop his "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" into a winning piece. It doesn't pay. However, gratitude and success pay in confidence for this brokebitch. Confidence is the key to money in the bank. I guess, Sometimes you can pay for something that doesn't cost a thing. Next weekend I'll work with www.changethetriangle.org and you can too. You never know how good it will make you and someoneelse feel for FREE.

~MM

brokebitch scenerio #88 I am brokebitch hear me roar

I'm positive without having Kim Kardashian in my contacts she made her divorce filing on Halloween to hit up a slow news day and get the most attention. I'm also impressed with her ability to be the most googled reality star and using the best of her ASSets ;) You can too. Speak up!

I'm a brokebitch but not forever. I'm not gonna let my pride stand in the way of telling the truth! I'm a brokebitch and sometimes that can be funny and sometimes it can be heart wrenching. It's what part of the truth you share that's the secret. Being a brokebitch can create conversation like when I get a free drink at Starbucks and take "a few" napkins for home. People come over and feel like they are really at Starbucks as they sip from my recycled cup while using my official Starbucks napkins! ;)

To be a brokebitch can be winning at times. I talk about it openly because it amazes me how I survive on what little I have right now. I don't speak about it to get things. However, I was talking with my boss about getting a lovely text from Bank Of America telling me I had $11 in my account and he was worried about me. Little did he know that was the 5th notification in a week, I think Bank of America has a crush on Mandi or maybe they're pissed I'm not giving them any money. hmmm. I like to think they have a crush. Anyway, my boss was really concerned I wouldn't have food so he hands me a certificate to a restaurant! So I went to the fancy shmancy pub and ate the whole $25 all by myself in three meals!(see above)

I've embraced being a brokebitch but remember I won't be one for long cause I'm huge in Japan! Seriously use your mouth to express that you want whether it be a raise, want that guy who keeps awkwardly staring at your boobies or that you are a brokebitch!

xoxo
MM

brokebitch scenerio#66: Hawaiian firefighter

so at the goodwill I found my brokebitch halloween costume: hawaiian firefighter =$5 and original ;)

xoxo MM